In Time
by 123laura3215
Summary: Um... so you probably shouldn't read this if you don't want to end up in a puddle of feels... my first fanfiction ever, please don't eat me?


The light is blinding. Like a thousand stars exploding right before my eyes, and then in my eyes, behind my eyes, invading my head; the infinite darkness is now infinite lightness and it's too much, too fucking much.

"Abel! Get us the fuck out of here!"

No reply. Probably can't see anything better than I can. And there's that stupid pang again, what is that? Like I want to grab Abel and shove him behind me, under me, somewhere where's he's out of the line of fire, to protect him with my body because I sure as hell don't know how to do it with words. But Abel doesn't need protecting, he's trained in this. Best navigator I've had.

"Abel! Now!"

The familiar darkness of space is creeping back into the edges of my vision, and I've never been so fucking glad to see that friendly dark again. Give me a monster in the dark over a blinding nightlight any fucking time. I recognise the smell of something, but I can't place it. My cheek feels wet. For a disoreintating moment, I think that Abel's just planted one on me, and I turn my head to see him, have his mouth on my mouth, but he's not there.

"Abel, get us out of here!"

No reply. I hit the comm button and shout again but there's no response, the little shit is ignoring me, playing the hero and saving the day, strong and silent - yeah right - like he could ever shut up - but there are no thrusters going so we must be back in the bay. Sure was quick. Did he get out already and leave me here like an idiot, because I'll wring his neck red like these stupid wal- red? This ships made of metal. Greys, blacks, shiny. Not red.

I squint ahead, and it's painted red, and there's a blond head hanging to the side and it's red, and there's an arm dangling useless, as useless as the rivers of red dripping down it, as useless as the streak of red that's shot its way back to me and made my cheek wet. Same colour as the lipstick tube I stole off my mother when I was five and coated the walls in. Blood.

No.

Abel's blood, that's what's on my cheek.

_No._

That smell... and it's my fault.

_no no no no no no no._

Everything leaves my head right then and it really fucking pisses me off because I can't figure how to get out of this harness to get to Abel, can't get out to wake him the fuck up so we can get out of here.

"All starships return, the enemy is down. Get back to The Bay, repeat, get back to The Bay."

That brings me back, because what the fuck can I do for Abel in the middle of space. He needs a medic. If I can't give him anything else, if I've never given him anything else I'll get him this.

"Abel! Abel, just hang in -" fuck, he jerked, and my heart leaps. He's alive. Fuck. Don't talk, don't ruin it with your shitty words, just get the fucking thrusters going, but where are they, I can't fly this thing, there're too many fucking dials to press and all I know is how to kill shit, not put it back together. Fuck, why, why can't I remember how to do this shit, why didn't fucking basic go over this more - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR NAVIGATORS DE- choke on the word, because it's a lie. It's not fucking true. Not that I've never told a lie. But not ever, never told one when it mattered.

I don't know how but somehow, we're back in The Bay and there're people running up to us and they pull me out and hold me down when I try to fight them, try to get to - oh god - Abel - oh god - try to get to Abel because he's not moving and - fuck. Fuck. They're taking him away and nonono That's my navigator! Let me go!

They don't respond, just push harder.

They're not taking him away anymore, just laying him down, and I can't decide what's worse, to see him or to not see him, can't figure out which will give worse nightmares, nightmares of hope or of what's real.

Too far, they're saying, it's too far he won't make it.

_Liars._

Someone's holding me down but it doesn't matter because I can't move if he doesn't move.

Who the fuck am I without Abel? Just some useless shit who kills things. Stops them breathing. Stops them from breathing or loving or fucking and taking away their life like it belongs to me. Like what others did to Abel. Like what I did to Abel.

What I did to myself. My fault.

I know what's worse.

AN - hahaha oh god, I'm sorry. This is my first fanfiction, so if you do decide to comment please don't be as unkind as I just was with this story :P


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